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Ridiculous Fatawa From Islam-QA.com

December 25, 2011

UPDATE 12/22/2013: I haven’t checked this post in quite a while, but it seems that the people at Islam-Q&A have removed many of the embarrassing fatawa they had on their site. So as they sanitize their site (in typical da’ee style) you will not find much on sex slavery, mermaids and other outright embarrassing issues posted. In order to get people to convert, you must not let them know what’s really out there.

Reposted from DoodiePants.com

I just found a fun website called Islam Question and Answer!   It’s tons of fun.  Just think of the stupidest questions you can think of,  search for them, and you’ll find long drawn out answers from Islamic councils and famous Muslim mullahs (priests).

Or…………….. you can just look through all of my silly questions and answers below.   I spent about 3 hours searching through this entertaining site.  It’s my first exposure to Islam and it’s been awesome!  I translated the questions a bit but kept the original meaning for each one.

One odd thing I found about this site and about Islam in general is; there are a ton of rules and commandments centered around peeing on your clothes, farting, having sex with your slaves and marrying Christian girls. You’ll see below.  I’m not making anything up. Each question  is a link to the original answer on the site.

Go ahead click the links……..not making anything up.


What are the benefits of drinking camel urine?

The benefits of drinking Camel Urine are astounding.  Islamic scientists have proven that it is useful for:

“the treatment of skin diseases such as ringworm, tinea and abscesses, sores that may appear on the body and hair, and dry and wet ulcers.   Camel’s urine brings the secondary benefits of making the hair lustrous and thick, and removing dandruff from the scalp.   Camel’s milk is also beneficial in treating hepatitis, even if it has reached an advanced stage where medicine is unable to treat it.   Also, camel’s urine is beneficial in treating al-hazaaz, and it was said that al-hazzaz is a pain in the heart caused by anger and so on.”

Can my wife wear perfume when she goes out shopping?

No No No, Bueno!  Perfume is not allowed.  If your wife smells like a Calcutta sewer, too bad.   It is better that she is undesirable.  The real question is: Just what the hell is she doing outside of the house?

Can I copulate with one of my slaves?

Of course you can, just like you have relations with your wife.  But if your slave marries off to another man you must stop because it is not permissible for a woman to have two men.  Go ahead have sex with your slaves!  I suggest buying as many as you can.

“It is permissible for the one who gains possession of male or female slaves to sell them. In both cases – owning a slave through battle or through purchase – it is not permissible for a man to have intercourse with a slave woman until after she has had one menstrual cycle from which it may be established that she is not pregnant. If she is pregnant, then he must wait until she has given birth.”

Are we allowed to Eat Mermaids?

Ibn ‘Aabideen says…… no you cannot eat Mermaids.  It is haram.  That’s bad….   But, Mermaids do exist according to Islamic holy texts.

Why can’t I have a pet Dog?

It is haram. Dog saliva and urine has been proven again and again by Islamic scientists to spread disease and other impurities.  And it is confirmed in the Koran.  Goats on the other hand are clean and pure.

Is it Authorized to have happy spanky time with my fiance?

Sorry, according to the boss, you gotta sign a marraige contract.  Then all is allowed; even the legendary maple syrup Slip and Slide technique.

I’m a hairy woman.  Can I get my pubes lasered?

Yes but only your armpits.  You must not do your nether regions because that would require someone seeing your “awrah”.  No one must see your “awrah”.

Is it true that a demon will sit on my chest and give me upper respiratory problems if I neglect my prayers?

Bingo!  While some issues are caused by biological reasons, some are caused by wiley demons.   In Arabic they’re called “Jinn”.   Yes…this wonderful piece of wisdom is also in the Hadith.

What do I do if I get semen in my pants?

This has an in depth answer but basically, wash you clothes and wash your bodies.  And what ever you do…….do it before you pray.  Allah most merciful will not listen to you if you have jizz in you pants.  It is haram.

Can I pee standing up as long as I don’t get any drops on my pants?

It’s better to sit down to pee.  Why?  First, it’s easier to hide your “awrah”(wiener).  Second, it’s easier to shake it and not get drops of pee yourself.   If you get pee on your pants, Allah most merciful will not listen to your prayers.  Most Merciful Allah doesn’t like pee pee pants.  I suppose Doodiepants are also frowned upon.

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From → The Ridiculous

10 Comments
  1. Crazy bastards.

  2. John Sobieski permalink

    Islam is so stupid and our politicians call it a ‘great religion’, sounds like a turd relgion to me.

  3. Abdifitah permalink

    Iam muslim i would like to learn more about our religion jazkalah

  4. Rodney permalink

    If someone has to refer to a fatwa to learn how to pee then there is no hope for them as a grownup human. Only kids have to be told how to pee.

  5. Ansari permalink

    None of the things that you mentioned above is Islamic. It is not fair to highlight such ridiculous statements as if they are what Muslims believe and follow. No doubt you might have come across these statements in the site you have mentioned, be rest assured all these have nothing to do with Islam. And you said ‘It’s my first exposure to Islam”; I feel sorry for you if this is how you explore new ideas. It also highlights the fact that you know nothing about Islam.

    An Indian prime minister once said that he used to drink his own urine; you are not going to conclude all Indians drink their own urine, just because he was the prime minister of a nation of more than one billion Indians. Neither can you conclude that all Hindus drink their own urine because he was a follower of Hinduism.
    Please be realistic

  6. I feel sorry for you Ansari if you truely think that islam is a religion. It’s an ideology of the inbred goat herders who like to live in the most atrocious conditions because they are lazy and so fanatically religious they need to pray all the time. When they aren’t praying they keep busy being offended or killing someone. Grow up and get a life

  7. If Islam is so great why do you have to use violence to spread the word and convert people. why do you get so offended when you profit – who married a child – is “offended or insulted” but continue to kill, destroy offend and insult everyone else, including those who follow a different branch of islam

  8. Islamic scientists? you mean the same ones who say the earth is flat? and dogs are unclean but muslims who wipe their butts with their hands are clean?

  9. Frank Bacon permalink

    If islam is speaking… it ain’t speaking to me

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